My response to what I thought was a ridiculous college essay topic.
I thought it was absurd to presume that a college-bound senior could possibly provide any advice of value to someone they recognized as a "leader".

Leadership is a constant theme and emphasis at CMC. In fact, one of the ways we describe CMC students is "Leaders in the Making." Choose someone, fictional or nonfictional, historical or contemporary, whom you consider to be a leader. Suppose you are this person's primary advisor. How would you advise this person and why?

He is an instinctive leader endowed with the strength to reign supreme over an entire kingdom, with claim to the reverence and devotion of hordes of fanatical zealots, and the combined might of an authoritarian military state. His empire reigns as the epitomic expression of utopia. Poverty is a relic of the past with every citizen possessing a small fortune of gold and capital so abundant that it is strewn carelessly around the landscape. Castles and subterranean cities stretch across his mighty domain, handcrafted by teams of loyal nationalized contractors to offer dwellings to all in need while leaving the environment pristine. He instituted an exemplary merit-based caste system allowing for rapid social mobility and equal advancement in a heavily industrial society. Finally, as testament to the enlightened nature of his rule, there has never, even once, been any kind of social uprising or rebellion amongst his people. Have you recognized the great leader of which I speak? I am referring of course to that draconian warrior, that flame tongued orator, that monarch of those that are underfoot, known to the world as Bowser- King of Koopas.

Truly as leader of such a progressive paradise it would be unquestionably altruistic for Bowser to spread his reign on the rest of the world, but somehow he is hampered time after time not by some league of nations, nor any militaristic or economic limitations, but rather by the work of two semi-mute plumbers hailing from the Mushroom Kingdom.

This is where I would begin to advise Lord Bowser based on patterns of his past failures. It is clear that he has always been a man of three distinct goals: To marry Princess Peach, defeat Mario, and conquer the Mushroom Kingdom. First and foremost, I would advise that upon his next inevitable kidnapping of the princess, they be married immediately in a quiet ceremony, not some extravagant, indulgent party during which the final phase of his plan is being completed. This would no doubt serve to put a hamper on the “hero’s” motivations and at the very least create a matrimonial legal basis for the conquest of the Mushroom Kingdom as the rightful king. If this proves to be impossible, it would be best to simply let the princess go. For as beautiful she may be, it is likely there should be an equally attractive woman who is not so inclined to be maligned against every aspect of his character.

In terms of the second objective, there are a few simple rules to follow in any future engagement with the red-capped crusader. The most imperative consideration should be towards eliminating Mario before he once again becomes a threat to his Excellency's immediate person. There would also be a need to create substantial changes to training regimens for soldiers and basic military policy. Bowser's Legion should be retrained to crowd and overpower foes through superior numbers instead of breaking off from the main regiments to attack in ones or twos. Also, it would be prudent to immediately send out the best of his soldiers to target this single most destructive military threat instead of sending waves of progressively proficient soldiers as he approaches the main borders. If possessing an unstoppable weapon of mass destruction, I would counsel that he use it as often and early as possible instead of reserving it as some kind of last resort when the hero is within range. This would, of course, cripple the morale of the enemy whilst creating an efficient use of said weapon instead of having it break down or be otherwise tampered with in the presence of despicable mustached malefactors. In the case of being forced to engage in one-to-one physical contact with Mario, I would dissuade Bowser from engaging in any form of maniacal laughter, which while proven to be very stress relieving, would inevitably result in missing some crucial detail that a more attentive observer would otherwise catch. Most importantly, under no circumstances should conflicts take place beside chasms or some heavy, unsupported structures of any kind (a lava strewn bridge not even be a consideration). Past occasions have proven these kinds of settings unfavorable in every engagement with this particular foe. With substantially superior physical capabilities and a nation's resources at his disposal, Bowser should be able to effectively eliminate this nuisance once and for all.

Without this rival constantly derailing his conquest, Bowser will have every means at his disposal to utilize his industrial military might to conquer the Mushroom Kingdom and the rest of the world around him in a single united hegemony. It would be complete world peace...But alas, though an esteemed leader and an unparalleled visionary for the future, Bowser lacks the small measure of common sense and emotional stability to see through his great machinations. He serves almost as a parable for the flaws afflicting our own greatest leaders- tied down from their potential by petty personal issues, cumbersome rivals, and avarice. Just as with Bowser, the solutions seem just as obvious and commonplace, but to relinquish these flaws would almost detract from these leader's identities. What would Richard Nixon be without his paranoia, Julius Caesar without his thirst for power, or even Alexander the Great without his reckless exuberance? These flaws were both their worst vices and their greatest strengths, without which they would not be truly human. All that remains is for us to embrace our leaders in their entirety, make our voices heard, and...advise.